My first little bump on the road
Isn’t it funny how sometimes the weather seems to match very well with the mood we have on certain days? I guess some would argue that maybe it’s the weather that causes our moods sometimes. In any case, today was a dark, rainy, gloomy day here at the abbey and the day I had felt very much like the weather. I figured that if I’m going to continue a personal blog about my experiences in the seminary, I can’t just be blogging about how wonderful and magical everything is because life here in the seminary isn’t meant to be all wonderful and magical. It is after all the training grounds for one of the toughest jobs in the world!
So my day began as normal with 5 am lauds… Today was an extra special Saturday though because it was also a day of recollection, which meant that it was a day we were all supposed to be silent and keep to ourselves. Now, if you know me, you’ll know that that itself is already a bit of a challenge for me who absolutely loves to talk but I’ve been on silent retreats before! I know how to stay silent!!! 🙂 But here, it was a bit different than a silent retreat… During our meal times, we wouldn’t say a word. We would sit quietly and listen to table readings from certain books written by various people. In addition, no one was around roaming the halls and so our whole residence building felt extremely eerie to roam.
It was in the early afternoon that all the quiet started to kinda get to me a bit. I guess I’m so used to the hustle and bustle of daily life outdoors that just spending such a long time alone made me feel extremely lonely.
It hasn’t just been a result of the day of recollection either… Lately, I’ve been feeling like I haven’t been laughing as much as I used to. I feel like in my efforts to get used to the daily life, I’m starting to morph just a tiny bit into a very serious person!! Gasp!!! :p
In addition, it’s been a tiny bit difficult for me to fit in with the others here. Some of these people have been in the seminary for many years; in fact, some have been here since high school. Because of that, their friendships are already really strong and to some extent, I still feel a lot like an outsider in this strange, new world.
I’ve got a bit of hope to share though today.. c”,) As I was walking back to my room quietly at the end of the day, I was talking quietly with a seminarian who had been here a while now. He reminded me of what the Father Abbot had said during a talk earlier during our recollection day of BEING YOURSELF in the seminary and of how, despite the perceived loneliness and difficulties I am starting to face, the Christian way of dealing with it is really to always know there’s a higher purpose to everything. I need to approach everything now with faith!!! God bless!!!
PS… I’ve attached a couple of pictures of my slightly messy little room for you to see… 🙂